I don't have a small drill bit and I don't trust my subtlety

  • Sunday, April 17, 2016
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The Pobble who has no toes
      Had once as many as we;
When they said, 'Some day you may lose them all;'--
      He replied, -- 'Fish fiddle de-dee!'
And his Aunt Jobiska made him drink,
Lavender water tinged with pink,
For she said, 'The World in general knows
There's nothing so good for a Pobble's toes!'
(Edward Lear)
Big toe anatomy 101.
I have a big toe. Well actually I have two but only one is (marginally) blog worthy at the moment. One Hallux which is Latin for big toe. One bruised and throbbing toe sporting a blackened toenail.
Here are some big toe or Hallux facts for your enjoyment, feel free to share them with your loved ones and random strangers in the street...
I've learnt that that big toe in humans has two bones in it unlike the rest of the toes which have three. The big toe and little toe have muscles that are unique to them and the Hallux is flexed by the flexor hallucis longus muscle which is deep in the back of the lower leg. Who would have thought that a muscle in the leg would be responsible for toe movement? Five nerves provide sensation to the toe's skin. Sensation to the Big Toe comes from the Deep Fibular Nerve. Gotta love that Deep Fibular Nerve. Blood comes from the plantar metatarsal arteries and drains into the Dorsal arch. Huh? The Big Toe is the most vital of all the toes allowing us to remain balanced and bear weight, the Hallux bears twice the amount of weight of the other toes combined. Finally, our toes are in contact with the ground 75% of the time we are running so they're reasonably important.
I love the complexity of the human body.
This week I've become an amateur toe surgeon, a goalkeepers football stud coming down with full force on my big toe led to an immediate subungual hematoma or in plain English, a shitload of bleeding under the toenail turning my nail black. It may sound silly but the pain that night was so intense it kept me awake and I wondered if it was broken and had visions of another enforced break from running. Quickly turning to Google I learnt that the blood and pressure could be reduced by boring a hole through the affected toenail. At first I tried the hot paperclip method which meant straightening a paperclip, heating it and burning my way through the nail but I couldn't hold it tight enough and the paperclip cooled too fast. Some forums suggested a 1mm drill bit but cautioned against going to far and drilling into the nerves (remember the trusty old Deep Fibular Nerve?). This would lead to further excruciating pain and probably loud screaming, tears and snot. I don't have a small drill bit and I don't trust my subtlety so I tried a pair of extremely sharp nail scissors, sterilising them with a gas flame and carefully boring into my nail and, BAM!, a small geyser of blood erupted from the resulting hole. Immediate relief followed and doing a daily drain over the next few days has done the trick, my nail looks almost normal and apart from some slight pain from the bruising to my flesh I am pretty much OK to run.

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